rebelhooker: urban dictionary is like the sexually experienced older sister I never had who I can ask what slang means without my parents knowing I asked
Don’t do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul....– Henry Rollins (via khalishh)
jebiwonkenobi: When I was little I thought being an adult meant not having a bed time but I’ve come to realize that it just means being in charge of my own bed time and it turns out that I am not equipped to handle that responsibility.
best-of-funny: beifag: k1mkardashian: girls think having a period sucks but try having to fix your penis discreetly through your pocket having the insides of your organs shed and come out through your genitals does not compare to having displaced balls sorry
siikeadelluuk: i hope this headache kills me
pavlovs-schrodinger: pavlovs-schrodinger: when im older and my kid needs me to sign something for school im just gonna write “Dad” in really crappy handwriting so it seems like my kid forged my signature and the teacher calls to tell me and im just “yes no it is i dad” i posted this when i accidentally took too much medication screw you guys
cas-wants-the-dean: annyoung89: cas-wants-the-dean: Steal someone’s phone and change all the contact numbers to their moms, don’t change the names or the pictures simply the phone numbers to their mom’s. Then, sit back and watch as they single handedly destroy their own life. Woah there satan Who the fuck brought this back
selmabouvier: i haven’t been to subway in 2 years cos the woman went “what bread do you want” and i went “yeah”
at-boundary-conditions: what if humans have cheat codes like if you jump 14 times and then punch + kick ok awesome now i can walk on water and do calculus
Once someone’s hurt you, it’s harder to relax around them, harder to think of...– White Cat by Holly Black (via lostinthesounds)
e-zekiel: okay so today I was at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time and then another person fell and another and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu...
Its not a party until someone cries about a boy not liking them
janecrocker: janecrocker: i will always laugh so fucking hard at the urbandictionary entry for “fo shizzle my nizzle”
mes102016: Am I the only one who fantasizes about Robert Downey Jr?
thelandoffakebelieve: Technically any zoo is a petting zoo if youre not a pussy
do you ever just sit there with your hand on your boob is this what girls do yup
obvicado: I can’t tell if Amanda Bynes is really in need of help, or if she is pulling off the most amazing and fully committed Amanda show skit of her life
69shadesofdan: yesterday i woke up in the middle of the night because i thought i came up with an amazing text post idea and this is what i saved in my drafts while i was asleep and i just
arcticblackeys: fallarbor-town: in 7th grade i went to the see a movie with a boy and in the middle of it he was like “do you wanna kiss” and i was like “excuse me” and he pulled a bag of hershey’s kisses out of his coat DO YOU REALIZE WHAT A GOOD BACKUP PLAN THAT IS
playdated: barbie.com is like one of the only websites my school hasnt blocked and its really hilarious because everyone goes on and does barbies makeup when theyre bored and at least twice a day someone forgets to turn off their volume so you hear the music for like a second and the teacher is just so uncomfortable and confused and i love it
“i don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet